I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
