The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
