I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
