Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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