do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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