Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
