I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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