I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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