It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
