My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
