You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize