I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
