When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
