literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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