Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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