it wasn't lemon gatorade
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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