I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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