He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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