Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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