I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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