His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
