I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I need to stop coming to work sober
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
