It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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