Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
