my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
