Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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