nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
