Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Randomize
