you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
