I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is the high leading the old right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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