Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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