This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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