a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
