sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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