There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
