Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
