I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
