Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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