I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
