Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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