i permit you to call me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
