Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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