dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
