yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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