Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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