I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
