Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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