HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
