dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
