sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
