four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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