When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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