So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
