buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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