I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
