I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
