he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
