Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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