we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
