so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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