where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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