I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize