she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
