Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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