I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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