The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
